I heard this one not long ago (better if you tell it in "first person").
My wife and I were having sex problems and we needed to add a little spice to our sex lives. I was talking to my buddy at work and he went through the same thing. He said," what we did is I'd put cherries in her pussy and eat them out slowly, then she'd put donuts on my dick and eat them off". I said to him that it was a good idea. I called my wife on my way home from work and was like," honey! you need to get a ****load of oranges and cheerios!!!"
If you got a good one please pass it on. Fun to read if you're bored.
A man comes home today, and he's looks extremely pleased with himself. His housemate asks him why he's so happy. The man answers, "Well, in my way home, I saw a beautiful woman tied to the train tracks, so I untied her, and she thanked me by having sex with me. We were at it for hours and did every position!" The housemate then asks, "So did she suck you off?". The man answers, "No, I couldn't find her head."
What's the difference between an aboriginal and a park bench? A park bench can support a family!
Three Jews are in a desert. They're hungry and thirsty. On the horizon, they see a tank. They decide that they should take it with them, so that when they get to a town, they can sell it. So they tie some ropes around the tank and start dragging it along. Soon they come to a hill, and when they start dragging it up the hill, one of the Jews drops dead from heat exhaustion. The other two say "Well, that's more money for us!", and continue to pull it up the hill. About half way up, a second Jew drops dead from heat exhaustion. The surviving Jew is ecstatic. "Excellent! I can keep all the money for myself!" So he continues to pull the tank by himself. Nearing the top of the hill, he also drops dead of heat exhaustion. After about ten minutes, the hatch on the tank opens, and a soldier pops his head out, and sees the dead Jew. He yells back into the cabin "Hans, we need more Jews!"
A Christian priest, a Jewish rabbi, and a Muslim priest are playing golf. The topic of charity and donations come up. The Christian says "How about we draw a circle, throw our money in the air, and what lands in the circle, we'll give to charity?" The Muslim says, "How about we throw the money in the air, and what lands out of the circle we give to charity?" The Jew says "Guys, you have it all wrong, we'll just throw our money in the air, and what God wants, he can keep!"
If these jokes offended anyone, get a sense of humour!
